From Friday, March 16th
I have felt tired & exhausted & tired for a week. I've been blaming Daylight Savings Time, possibly the way an abused wife blames door frames and stairs. I do take it as a minor victory that my brain no longer looks at the clock and reacts as if someone replaced the digits with obscene gestures. Maybe the colon between the hours and minutes was a stick person angrily giving it to another stick person. Neither of them really enjoyed it.
The weather here hasn't helped; it's going through some sort of crisis too. Last night we had a cocktease of a thunderstorm that just blew wind everywhere and finally sprinkled after I had fallen asleep, like an emo kid who waits to cry until he's in his room with the door shut. It's warm now, and sunny in the vague, meaningless way that accompanies haze and cloud cover.
Pick something, you prick.
And food? All I want to eat are cookies & cupcakes & ice cream until my insides hurt like I've got that kind of flu. But I don't. I'm too apathetic to even shovel junk food into my face until the feelings start again.
Yesterday I turned down seven separate offers of dessert, until finally someone gave me a cookie to carry around. They knew I wasn't going to eat it. I knew I wasn't going to eat it. All the same, I had a little chocolate chip passenger for the rest of the afternoon because even relative strangers look at me and say, "Damn boy. Take this shit."
This will pass, just like all the other times before it have passed. Right now, though? It's terrible. On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd rate it as a "throbbing hollowness."
(depression why you always gotta feel new)