Friday, January 13, 2012

January's Robot

For Christmas, I got a calendar featuring a different papercraft robot each month. In case you were wondering, yes, that is how you say "I love you" in Geek. I've decided to assemble and photograph each paper robot for you, so that you can vicariously share in my joy.

However, I expect difficulty. I have good reasons for this.

Believe it or not, I missed the very first day of first grade. It's true. I was a sickly child. Thus, on my first day of first grade, all the children were already learning about the letter B, like in boy, or baby. To really drive this home, we had to cut out and glue together a baby boy in a diaper who was wearing a bonnet.

(To my recollection, no one ever tried to catch me up on A. Isn't tht wful?)

Seems simple, right? Well, maybe it was because I missed the first day; maybe it's because I was scared of the giant mole on my teacher's face; maybe it's because diaper didn't start with a B, and I was thematically thrown off balance; regardless, I managed to glue the diaper entirely to the outside of the baby boy's bottom. Oops.

Mrs. Beulah Berry - who was apparently born for this lesson, and a graduate of the public disapproval school of teaching to boot - loudly called this to the attention of all the other children. Their laughter still stings, and subsequent attempts at making things with my hands have been shame wrought affairs.

But I'm not just offering pictures of my failures! (There's more?)

Has anyone else ever heard of "Monday's Child?" It was astrology for the Jane Austen set to a nursery rhyme - it used
 the day of the week on which you were born to predict your personality. It went something like:

Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child was sprayed with mace
Wednesday's child is always named Joe
Thursday's child will eat a burrito

For each robot, I'll write a few lines of poetry on a level with Monday's Child. I use the word "poetry" loosely, because I'm afraid the ghost of Williams Wordsworth will touch me in the shower if I don't clarify.

This whole thing starts off with Radiacto; that's what name the calendar gave this month's robot. Personally, I think he looks more like an, an Andy. Since today was the 13th, we'll do it on the 13th of every month. I could do it on the 1st, but I don't trust myself to be able to both pay my rent and assemble a paper robot; I'd only end up trying to pay my rent with a tiny robot and gluing a check to a baby's bottom.

Behold, Andy!

January's robot got lost at the mall
even though he's 90 feet tall
At the Apple store he said wow
Too bad it's applesauce now

Andy wanted to build a bear
instead he left a crater there
It's hard to shop for giant robots
Thank the Maker for Dippin' Dots!

1 comment:

  1. Would Giant Robots be satisfied with Dippin' Dots? They're so small! I do agree that he seems more like an Andy. It's a nicer name, like he won't destroy the world but just wants to make a bear friend!