Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Election Day

This is a Public Service Announcement. Stay tuned for important information about how I want you to live your life.

America is a representative democracy, which is a system of government in which an ill-informed populace employs specious reasoning in choosing a smiling, besuited sociopath to make high level policy decisions about how to ruin everything. Today is the day when voters select just who we'd like to inconvenience and levy us for the next few years, but not the President.
Or the Vice President. Or possibly some other people.

I want to remind my fellow citizens that voting is very much like blowing out the candles on a birthday cake - if you tell anybody who you voted for, or even talk about voting, they don't get elected. 

As soon as the words pass your lips, the election fairy will swoop out of the sky in a flurry of dimpled chads and bone shavings. She will force a recount not in your candidate's favor, and then she will force some other things.

So keep quiet, or the fairy will come! No one wants that.


  1. I tried to "stayed tuned" but I ended up time traveling. Now I'm stuck in the past where I can't even post comments on the internet. :(

  2. Problem solved! Sometimes typos creep in when I'm blinded by crippling rage.

  3. Crippling Rage wins!... and plucks out your eyeballs

  4. james - It's called the Oedipus special.

    Angie - Is everywhere you go lit by fairy lights, as I suspect?