Red Water

Just a normal day, nothing's wrong.

BEES

There are a surprising number of pictures on the internet of people covered in bees. Here are seven, but that number could easily have been seventeen or seventy. I feel I've only skimmed the surface of self-immersion in bees.

Here Are Some Things

Believe it or not, the only one of these I modified was the pizza box. All the others I found out in the world.

Coming Friday - The Joker!

Much like the popular films by Christopher Nolan, Batman: The Animated Series uses its first installment to introduce the flawed double - Ra’s al-Ghul/Man-Bat - and its second installment to introduce The Joker, arguably Batman’s shadow archetype. Regardless of whether you agree with that interpretation or not, you have to ask yourself one question:

(P.S. More fiction coming soon. I’ve got quite a lot of it. I just have to figure, which first?)

NYC Public Transit

Is terrible, because it takes about a minute to get where you're standing:

It's the Pits

I haven't done any comedy in awhile, but this image macro instantly created itself in my mind:

Does Not Compute

No CAPTCHA. That's Arabic. I don't know Arabic. Try again.

Am I the only one who can barely make out what the CAPTCHA words are? What supercomputer is cracking this code when I - a living, breathing human, despite what you've heard - have to squint and guess?

Why don't you?

David Beckham wants you to eat his fish sticks.

"Please eat my fish sticks."

Deep Gnomes

So I was being a huge nerd browsing wikipedia, and I saw this gem:

Thanks wikipedia! Because my problem pronouncing "Svirfneblin" came from not knowing which syllable to put the emphasis on, not the fact that the name sounds like an Icelandic man sneezed in the middle of telling me where he lives.

Now that I know I'm supposed to emphasize the penultimate one, my life can continue!

The Nativity

I tried teaching the children about Gertie, the nativity octopus, but they were resistant. After a little convincing, they were practically begging me to add other marine life.

On the left side you see Mary's best friend, crab, and her other best friends, Manx cat and half cow.

If you turn your attention to the lower right hand corner, you see an animal a little girl described as "half-sheep, half-chicken." Apparently there was gene splicing at the nativity, which no doubt gave rise to the cow with two bodies but only one head. Really, all the cows in the picture have a problem.

Do children secretly hate cows?

As for the starfish, suckling at the reverse brahmin's teat? Blasphemy. (That's the starfish's name - Blasphemy Jones.)

Dirty

What have I done?

Sweet Gingerbread God, what have I DONE!?

Guessing Game: Answer

Who's ready for the answer to our guessing game? Yesterday I showed this picture and asked everyone to figure out what it is:

Give up yet?

What you're looking at is a big ole'...nasty...juicy...meniscal tear. Which is a thing in your knee.

What did you think it was?

Read more info here! It's more common than you think, so be kind to your joints. Make sure to stretch before any vigorous activity, no matter what part of the body it involves.

Guessing Game: Question

Okay everybody, time to play a guessing game. Name what's in the following picture!

Answer tomorrow!

The Saddest Thing in the World

If you look at it long enough, you realize even the shark costume is sad.

A Grocery Trip

"Ma'am, can you tell me where the Asswored plastic cups are?"

"A swirled cups?"

"No, ASS-wored cups. ASSWORED."

"I'm getting my manager."

"Good, maybe your manager knows where the cups are. Nevermind, I found them!"

Jesus wept.

Everything is Fine

Ghostal Spam

The flash drive with the pictures for my next post is at home today, due to an entirely non-made up story involving unicorns, volcanoes, and an escaped Mayan god of the underworld. Enjoy this instead.

I have a coworker who's constantly bewildered by spam. Despite his sharp intellect, he won't abandon his Yahoo account. Consequently, he sees a lot of spam.

He'll read the subject lines from the emails out loud, carefully enunciating each poor spelling. He can't believe anyone falls for spam so many years after its advent. When I explained to him that the elderly are the most common victims, he laughed and derisively shook his head. "Maybe if it came through postal mail," he explained.

Grabbing a pen and a stack of Post-Its, I quickly sketched something. "You mean like this," I said, showing him my drawing:

He nodded. "Definitely. I'd give that ghost my bank account number."

Sponsorship: Update

personal assistant raptor is eager to please

(see: Sponsorship)